Larry King's News and Views

From the SNL ARCHIVES site:

If you're not reading "Larry King's News & Views" in USA Today, then you're missing out on the issues that matter.

This is "News and Views." Here's my two cents, gang.

If you only see one film the rest of your life, it should be - "Dante's Peak"!

Yours truly will be in Branson, Missouri next week for an exclusive interview with - Eddie Rabbitt.

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate water. A great, great beverage.

Is it just me or is anyone else sick and tired - of the Special Olympics?

Promoter Don King: one class act!

I don't ever remember wearing a hat. Not once. Not ever.

I dined with O. J. Simpson in Los Angeles last week and, take it from me, folks, the Juice is still a hero wherever he goes.

Of all the causes of death, burning in a fire is still Numero Uno in the pain department.

There isn't a better chef in the world of food than Chef Boyardee.

I have no tolerance for people who bury other people alive.

When it comes to window blinds, vertical blinds are terrific, but so are horizontal blinds.

Has anybody ever died of a heart attack? I mean, really?

I don't care what anyone says, in my book, Ted Kaczynski is not the Unabomber.

Sudden thought: When did sugar diabetes become plain old diabetes?

Of all of the figures of the 20th Century one of the greatest has to be Robert Urich.

I have no tolerance, gang, for anyone who commits arson.

World Series prediction, it will be the Diamondbacks in 4.

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate the equator.

I don't ever remember seeing a Mormon, not once, not ever.

Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of Nelson Mandela?

Here's the dirty truth, gang, Poland spring water does not come from Poland.

I interviewed Chile's imprisoned dictator General Pinochet last week, and take it from me, guys, this fella has a terrific laugh.

Does anybody remember baseball cards?

Between Hurricane Hugo and Hurricane Andrew, nothing beats Hurricane Hugo.

My wish for the new millennium is that we see a lot more of John Larroquette.

Family update, folks: Holding my baby son, Chance King makes me realize how much more I love him than my other children.

Red wine is a terrific wine, but so is white wine.

Does anyone really care if Pakistan has the bomb?

Actress Melanie Griffith: One class act!

Now that the world population has reached 6 billion, gang, something tells me it's only gonna get bigger.

I am still not a fan of Fred Astaire.

Someone oughta tell all these high school students that guns just aren't safe, gang.

Nothing is as consistently funny on the tube as the TV show "Becker".

The more I read about Albert Einstein, the more I realize this guy was a true genius.

Sudden thought, gang. I have no compassion for anyone who commits rape.

This has been USA Today's "News & Views with Larry King.

Margarine has its place, but nothing beats the real deal... butter.