To Bill Brasky!
"Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky sold me into slavery? He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off lookin' for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Brasky takes me into a vacant lot and says, Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"
"Brasky once hosted the Grammy's, and gave every award to Corey Hart!"
"One time I asked Brasky to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children. Well Brasky shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag and says, 'I've got goodies for you kids.' He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says 'There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.'"
"Brasky taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Brasky said, 'It would have happened sometime!'"
"You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle."
"He slept eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
"He had a four day heart attack! ...Yeah, a day for every chamber! ...When they did the autopsy, they said his heart was like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese! ...They found sixty dollars in change in his stomach!"
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident!"
"The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!"
"He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!"
"Did I ever tell about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? On opening night, Brasky chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews."
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off lookin' for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Brasky takes me into a vacant lot and says, Here we are!' Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found them!'"
"Brasky once hosted the Grammy's, and gave every award to Corey Hart!"
"One time I asked Brasky to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children. Well Brasky shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag and says, 'I've got goodies for you kids.' He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says 'There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.'"
"Brasky taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Brasky said, 'It would have happened sometime!'"
"You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle."
"He slept eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
"He had a four day heart attack! ...Yeah, a day for every chamber! ...When they did the autopsy, they said his heart was like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese! ...They found sixty dollars in change in his stomach!"
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident!"
"The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!"
"He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!"
"Did I ever tell about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? On opening night, Brasky chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews."
posted by Unknown at 8:40 PM
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