What Would Uncle Jesse Do?

Just a sampling of his diary (that's what they had before blogs). Click the pic to go there.

Dear Diary,

It's almost St. Patrick's Day. To celebrate, I'll probably make France cook me beef stew. I thought I saw a Leprechaun in the front yard today. It turned out to be one of my kids. I took his pot of gold anyway. I think I'll spend the money on PBR and books. Actaully, just PBR. I can read the cans. Joey called me and asked me if I wanted to go to Applebee's. I told him I would and, that if I didn't show up, he should punch himself in the balls. Becky messed up my Eggo-minis this morning. I told her to take 20 laps. She took 20 laps. I had to cook the Eggo-minis myself. They were the last ones. My kids love Eggo-minis. Sucks for my kids. Tomorrow, I'll probably go to Atlantic City. I'll come back and tell Becky to get me a seedless watermelon. When she asks why, I'll tell her I'm pregnant. She's dumb, so she'll believe me. If she doesn't, I'll pee in the closet and tell her she did it. One time, she tried to tell me that I came home and peed on the N64. She even showed it to me. It was covered with pee. Know what I said to her? "You're welcome." She saw the error of her ways, and built me a robot out of toothpicks and JuJuBees. I'd seen better robots, but I thought I'd give this one a whirl. We went out and threw some stuff off a bridge. Danny Tanner won't miss it. If he does, I'll send him to join it. Then, I'll pour water on his toilet paper. Once I come back from Atlantic City tomorrow, I think I'll rent a hovercraft. I won't pay for it, and I probably won't return it. And I'll write it off on my taxes. That way, I can finally have a way to get to the Everglades, and party with some alligators. People keep telling me that it's dangerous to party with alligators. I hear alligators say it's dangerous to party with me. Either way, Danny Tanner will still like washing men. One of these days, I'm gonna drive his car off a bridge. Only, I'm going to ask him to do it for me. He's such a pushover, I'm sure he'll say yes. Then I'll switch his Pledge with my piss. That'll teach him.